Products I'm Loving

Loving a lot of things lately so I thought I'd share. 

My friend Emily had this curling iron when she came home to visit a few weeks ago. She did my hair with it and it was awesome! My hair doesn't curl for ANYTHING. This worked and lasted even a little bit till the next day.  She just had a single rod curling iron but I decided to get this one that had four rod options. Can do so many different looks with it! It is expensive but I found a coupon for $100 off on google and I guess it was also a little on sale because I got it for like $80. It's now $229. 

 I search google for coupons for everything I buy online. Seriously. Do it. 

NuMe Curling Rod - 4Play

Ya'll know I have severe skin issues. I have been using this moisturizer per dermatologist recommendation and my face may not look good but it feels like a babys bottom. LOVE! 

CerVe Moisturizer

Honestly this is the best eyeliner of all time. It is so easy to put on, stays on forever and looks so crisp. 

Perfect for that winged look thats in. Yea still working on that.

The only bad thing is if you mess up while putting it on you pretty much have to use eye makeup remover to get it off and start over. 

Worth it! 

Stila Liquid Eyeliner

OBSESSED with these MAC paint pots. I have the vintage selection. I wear that and the eyeliner above and thats it lately on my eyes. 

Can be found on the MAC site or anywhere that sells MAC. 

Perfect color bronzer. That is all. 

Bobbi Brown Bronzer in Golden Light

Just loving this multi colored cheek highlighter. I wear it in addition to the above bronzer. 

Bobbi Brown Shimmer Brick in Rose

The perfect red lipstick. It's discontinued but I found it on amazon. Kinda sketch I thought because it doesn't come in the box but whatever it's wrapped in plastic and I'm so glad I got it. Amazing!

Bobbi Brown Lipstick in Old Hollywood

That's it for now! 

Love finding new products for Spring ! 

Acne or Accutane?

If you know me/follow me on any social media forum, you know I have acne. You may know that it is cystic. If you are aware of what that is and how bad it is, great, if not, look it up.

I went to the dermatologist today after 4 years of adult acne which finally turned cystic ( it's genetic, my dad and grandmother had it ) and I have hit rock bottom. I cry most days about it. Today I have cried pretty much all day and haven't been able to do much else.

Something else you should know about me, I HATE chemicals in my body. I don't take birth control, i stopped taking it years ago and will NEVER take it again. I see a naturopathic Dr and I avoid taking any medications. I will however take vitamins by the handful.

The first thing the dermatologist wanted to put me on was ACCUTANE. One of the strongest/most dangerous drugs on the market, the strongest for acne. All my worst fears came true. A doctor was shoving something down my throat I don't want and making me believe it was my only real option.

I knew going into the dr I didn't want to take that CRAP. I had already read about it.  

Leaving there I felt hopeless. Like it really would never go away. I would never have the skin I dreamed of. And I've cried and cried and cried because I KNOW I can't put that stuff in my body. But I'm still thinking about it. I'm actually considering this on the smallest level because I want it to be gone. 

I NEED it to be gone.

In order to take Accutane you MUST use two forms of birth control or be abstinent. It WILL cause birth defects if you become pregnant on it. 

WILL. 

I read that you are required to have an abortion if you become pregnant. And I am supposed to put something in my body that deforms a child. Won't it deform me?

WTF. WTF. WTF. Seriously. 

It has SERIOUS side effects to say the least. Some long term.

It can cause depression and lead to suicide. At least 32 confirmed suicides related. As if I'm not already depressed enough.

It can cause inflammatory bowl disease. Which can lead to having portions of the colon removed.

There are 7000 lawsuits due to debilitating side effects from Accutane and it has been recalled in 11 countries.

There is no guarantee your acne will be completely gone and/or won't return after treatment which is a minimum of 6 months. You have to take pregnancy tests and go to the derm every month to make sure you aren't pregnant and to get blood work done to make sure the medicine has't destroyed your liver. Which it can do.

I'm not really a huge risk taker and this seems like a massive one. Acne wouldn't seem so bad if I was also having suicidal thoughts, had a deformed baby, liver disease or was required to have my colon removed.


If you would like to research more about the drug……

"Accutane inhibits the body's cell growth and reproduction, and oil-gland function.

Accutane also depletes the body's water-holding molecules, which bind, lubricate and protect tissue in the skin, scalp, eyes and joints."

http://www.accutanesideeffects.net/

http://www.refinery29.com/accutane

http://www.drugwatch.com/accutane/side-effects.php

Every persons story I have read said it caused them to have Eczma. A severely dry skin disease. Which causes more self consciousness.

Granted, some people come out shitting rainbows of clear skin with minimal side effects. But is it worth the risk?I still don't think so but a very small part of me wants to inject my body with massive doses of it right now to make it all go away….

P.S YES I am aware that all drugs have side effects.

And because I want you to understand the severity and I'm beyond caring if you think I'm ugly because I already do and you can't change that. . .  I will share some photos of it.  I will keep them small to spare the horror. 

This is two days after I got home from my month in Florida. The cystic outburst started when I was there. Having to wear makeup swimming is fun.

As you can see makeup does not cover it . . . 

I think this was a week after starting antibiotics which my family physician gave me initially

 after I went to him a few days after I got home. He diagnosed me with cystic acne and insisted I go to the dermatologist. 

 Maybe two weeks after the antibiotics which have reduced redness and inflammation slightly. 

 New makeup and after antibiotics. 

I think I took this yesterday. There is a difference from two and a half weeks ago. 

After looking at these photos and trying to see the positive…. at least I have REALLY pretty eyes. 

And I think what if it just wasn't there? What if I hadn't already spent thousands of dollars trying to fix it. I'll spend thousands
more doing the same. What if all of that money was spent on something else. I guess it's my lot in life and there are certainly
worse ones to have. Everyone has insecurites. I just happen to have to wear mine all over my face. 

* Ignore the towel on my head/tank thing I wear while getting ready for the day. As well as the background of my bedroom. 

Keeeeys!!!!!

Having a great time relaxing and being with friends and family down here! 

Haven't been taking the new camera many places because most of those places have involved drinks and thats just asking for trouble so…… 

New camera + withdrawal from taking pictures = scenic photo shoot

Enjoy. ; ) There will be more to come!

Chris gets here this week! He's a good subject when he doesn't know I'm photographing him. ;)

  

Happy New Year!

This has been the busiest and best year of my life. Looking forward to 2013!! Starting with the big 30th birthday in two weeks. 

Wishing you all a wonderful and happy year!

Life altered.

Today something HUGE happened….

 I got my dream camera. 

This is life altering for me. Career growing. Game changing. 

It's on bitches.

I charged the battery for 20 minutes, slapped on my nifty fifty and ran outside. Barely getting it out of the package and putting a memory card in. 

{This was after I cradled it on the entryway floor for about 10 minutes letting it sink in.}

These are all SOOC. Meaning I didn't edit them at all. 

I love how it seems like you can reach inside each photo and touch each moment. They are that clear. 

Also I'm obsessed with creamy bokeh so these were all shot at 1.8. 

My momma (the only willing person I could find in 3.2 seconds to be my model :) ) ...

The confusing midwest weather left this poor little guy freezing today. 

ISO 3200 = CRISPY…. 

I just love this room in my parents house. It's so pretty. And we are not allowed to step foot in it. If you know my mom you understand. Such a shame! I would have dinner parties in here. 

Sad I haven't had the time to blog lately. But this life altering moment deserved everything else to stop. Going out of town for about a month so I'm sure I'll be blog happy then!!! :) 

“I'm unpredictable, I never know where I'm going until I get there, I'm so random, I'm always growing, learning, changing, I'm never the same person twice. But one thing you can be sure of about me; is I will always do exactly what I want to do.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

“I believe in going with the flow. I don't believe in fighting against the flow. You ride on your river and you go with the tides and the flow. But it has to be your river, not someone else's. Everyone has their own river, and you don't need to swim,float,sail on their's, but you need to be in your own river and you need to go with it. And I don't believe in fighting the wind. You go and you fly with your wind. Let everyone else catch their own gusts of wind and let them fly with their own gusts of wind, and you go and you fly with yours.” 
― C. JoyBell C.