I rarely use this as a journal but....

I just realized in a few days it will be the two year anniversary of me moving home and i feel incredibly emotional about it.... shocking I know.

I have realized a few things in the past months. This has been a very difficult year for me personally and honestly I can't wait for it to be over. Last year when I posted about this I said how much I had regained myself and how much my friends and family had helped me do that. I can't say the same for this year. I've actually lost myself this year. But thankfully I think I have realized the lessons to be learned.

This year was all about me learning to stand on my own. Without the help of friends , family or a boyfriend or anyone. Even though I may have had some of those along the way. Just making myself stand on my own. Lots of things had to change, fall apart, come together, hurt and suck for this to happen. I feel like I spent a lot of time alone at home. I had to learn to accept change, not reject it. I cannot say that I have fully done this but I can say that I fully feel like I am on my way and maybe almost there. I am still learning to let things go, to not live in the past or the future, but the present. That is one of the hardest things for me to do. One of the things I love about Emily so much. She is constantly living life to the fullest NOW.

The things that I want have changed this year. But at the end of this year I think I will be able to say what I want. For the next year at least...maybe it will change. Because I've now realized everything has to and its ok.

I have not realized this all on my own. So thank you to the people who helped me get where I am now. Hopefully you know who you are.

I look forward to the coming year.... I feel some BIG changes coming on. I am determined to stand on my own.

(Photo taken by me at the MOMA in January)