I went to the dermatologist today after 4 years of adult acne which finally turned cystic ( it's genetic, my dad and grandmother had it ) and I have hit rock bottom. I cry most days about it. Today I have cried pretty much all day and haven't been able to do much else.
Something else you should know about me, I HATE chemicals in my body. I don't take birth control, i stopped taking it years ago and will NEVER take it again. I see a naturopathic Dr and I avoid taking any medications. I will however take vitamins by the handful.
The first thing the dermatologist wanted to put me on was ACCUTANE. One of the strongest/most dangerous drugs on the market, the strongest for acne. All my worst fears came true. A doctor was shoving something down my throat I don't want and making me believe it was my only real option.
I knew going into the dr I didn't want to take that CRAP. I had already read about it.
Leaving there I felt hopeless. Like it really would never go away. I would never have the skin I dreamed of. And I've cried and cried and cried because I KNOW I can't put that stuff in my body. But I'm still thinking about it. I'm actually considering this on the smallest level because I want it to be gone.
I NEED it to be gone.
In order to take Accutane you MUST use two forms of birth control or be abstinent. It WILL cause birth defects if you become pregnant on it.
WILL.
I read that you are required to have an abortion if you become pregnant. And I am supposed to put something in my body that deforms a child. Won't it deform me?
WTF. WTF. WTF. Seriously.
It has SERIOUS side effects to say the least. Some long term.
It can cause depression and lead to suicide. At least 32 confirmed suicides related. As if I'm not already depressed enough.
It can cause inflammatory bowl disease. Which can lead to having portions of the colon removed.
There are 7000 lawsuits due to debilitating side effects from Accutane and it has been recalled in 11 countries.
There is no guarantee your acne will be completely gone and/or won't return after treatment which is a minimum of 6 months. You have to take pregnancy tests and go to the derm every month to make sure you aren't pregnant and to get blood work done to make sure the medicine has't destroyed your liver. Which it can do.
I'm not really a huge risk taker and this seems like a massive one. Acne wouldn't seem so bad if I was also having suicidal thoughts, had a deformed baby, liver disease or was required to have my colon removed.
If you would like to research more about the drug……
"Accutane inhibits the body's cell growth and reproduction, and oil-gland function.
Accutane also depletes the body's water-holding molecules, which bind, lubricate and protect tissue in the skin, scalp, eyes and joints."
Granted, some people come out shitting rainbows of clear skin with minimal side effects. But is it worth the risk?I still don't think so but a very small part of me wants to inject my body with massive doses of it right now to make it all go away….
P.S YES I am aware that all drugs have side effects.
And because I want you to understand the severity and I'm beyond caring if you think I'm ugly because I already do and you can't change that. . . I will share some photos of it. I will keep them small to spare the horror.
This is two days after I got home from my month in Florida. The cystic outburst started when I was there. Having to wear makeup swimming is fun.
As you can see makeup does not cover it . . .
I think this was a week after starting antibiotics which my family physician gave me initially
after I went to him a few days after I got home. He diagnosed me with cystic acne and insisted I go to the dermatologist.
Maybe two weeks after the antibiotics which have reduced redness and inflammation slightly.
New makeup and after antibiotics.
I think I took this yesterday. There is a difference from two and a half weeks ago.
After looking at these photos and trying to see the positive…. at least I have REALLY pretty eyes.
And I think what if it just wasn't there? What if I hadn't already spent thousands of dollars trying to fix it. I'll spend thousands
more doing the same. What if all of that money was spent on something else. I guess it's my lot in life and there are certainly
worse ones to have. Everyone has insecurites. I just happen to have to wear mine all over my face.
* Ignore the towel on my head/tank thing I wear while getting ready for the day. As well as the background of my bedroom.
5 comments:
Jess, I have to be honest and say I don't remember you having acne this bad when we went to BGSU?? Was this a new development in the past 8 years?? So you are on meds to help it? I had no idea!
My bad acne just started in the past 4 years and has gotten progressively worse. And now that I have this I WISH I could go back to complaining about just having adult acne. The cystic acne just started this year. Literally was kind of an overnight thing. I am not taking Accutane but am on two other antibiotics in an attempt to help it. So far nothing. I get steroid shots about every two weeks because thats how long they last until the cysts return.
Hi, I just stumbled upon your blog and thought I would share my experience. I had cystic acne for awhile...it didn't cover as much of my face but it was still awful,hereditary, impossible to cover, and painful. I tried various things, BC didn't help, most antibiotics didn't, but what eventually did was sulfameth trimethoprim antibiotics twice a day, combined with benzoyl peroxide wash and gel, and Atralin gel (that stuff was pretty magical, it helped reduce redness, helped heal and prevent scarring, and I'm pretty sure it can be used on stretch marks too). That antibiotic worked wonders for me...I know I'm not a dermatologist and all that but I figured if there was any way I can help...for awhile it would stay clear as long as I was taking the antibiotics but as soon as I went off it would break out again, but after a few years I am completely off it and I rarely ever get a cyst...maybe just one every other month or so. Oh also tea tree oil will help dry them out and bring them to the surface. Hope this helped, and if not, sorry for the massive amounts of useless info :)
Jess, thanks for sharing your story. Indeed, taking such a potent drug isn't a decision that should be taken lightly. Having said that I do want to share my story with you. Like you, my cystic acne was a process of development; I had adult acne in my late teens/early 20's; although I hated it, I was using Retin-A type gels/antibiotics which demonstrated some success. Around 23/24 years my acne flaired to a cystic form--painful, expansive cysts that felt debilitating. I lived with them until I decided to take the Accutane plunge at 28/29; I was getting married and did not want a constant reminder of the horror of cystic acne every time I looked at my wedding pictures. While I am not a fan of medication either, I was willing to accept the risks for the potential benefits of living cystic-free. I am now looking at my 42nd birthday and my only regret is not doing it sooner since I now have the scars that are left over and have to live with those as a daily reminder, but those definitely trump the cysts. Since Accutane is soluble in fat it takes some time to purge from your system; my dermotologist recommended at least 18 months between the end of treatment and conception. I am sure a blood test could also quantify the drug level in your system if you wanted something more concrete. I was sexually active at the time, so I was on birth control, anyway. If I had been abstinent, I think I would have opted out of the birth control meds. I have also birthed 2 kiddos; my oldest, conceived 9 months post-Accutane, does have some health issues, but they have been attributed to other causes--not Accutane, and the 2nd, conceived 2.5 years after the first has no issued whatsoever. I did one cycle of Accutane and have only had the rare, singular flares, that disappear faster than pre-treatement, although my back is more susceptible. With the advances in medical therapies I would also research alternative laser therapies that may be coming on the market soon. As an engineer in the medical device industry, many technologies are approved for sale in Europe prior to the US market (FDA is more stringent in acceptance), so you can research what therapies are on the horizon or take a trip to Europe. : )
I do wish for you to find a remedy because I know exactly how you are feeling living with this condition.
Go to In Skin acne clinic in miami,fl. They do not prescribe any drugs. All of their solutions are topical and it really really works if you just do what they say! I have seen them fix people like you. I should know I was one of them.
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